Thursday, 31 July 2014

6 Toxic Behaviors That Push People Away: How To Recognize Them In Yourself and Change Them

I do write about sport, cars, Lego and the occasional bit of "top totty".

But this professional piece reminds of a total prick for a company that I am managing a project for - and it is good to know - it will be a very interesting Project Closure meeting when it comes round to it.

6 Toxic Behaviours That Push People Away: How To Recognize Them In Yourself and Change Them

In my line of work, I hear from hundreds of people a month, and connect with professionals in a more public, open way than ever before. Through this experience, I've seen scores of toxic behaviours that push people away (including me). And I’ve witnessed the damage these behaviours cause – to relationships, professional success, and to the well-being of both the individual behaving negatively, and to everyone around him or her.
Let’s be real - we’ve all acted in toxic, damaging ways at one time or another (none of us are immune to it), but many people are more evolved, balanced, and aware, and it happens only rarely in their lives.
Whether your toxic behaviour is a common occurrence, or once in a blue moon, it’s critical for your happiness and success that you are able to recognize when you’re behaving badly, and shift it when it emerges.
The 6 most toxic behaviours I see every day are:
Taking everything personally
In the powerful little book The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz talks about the importance of taking nothing personally. I teach this in my coaching programs and my book Breakdown, Breakthrough as well, and there is so much pushback. “Really, Kathy – don’t take anything personally?”
People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything that happens in life is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them. The reality is that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their filters, and their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, it’s more about them. I’m not saying we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback. I am saying that so much hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes from our taking things personally when it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of others’ good or bad opinion of you, and to operate with your own heart, intuition and wisdom as your guide. So yes – don’t take anything personally.
Obsessing about negative thoughts
It’s very hard to be around people who can’t or won’t let go of negativity – when they dwell on and speak incessantly about the terrible things that could happen and have happened, the slights they’ve suffered, and the unfairness of life. These people stubbornly refuse to see the positive side of life and the positive lessons from what’s transpiring. Pessimism is one thing – but remaining perpetually locked in negative thoughts is another. Only seeing the negative, and operating from a view that everything is negative and against you, is a skewed way of thinking and living, and you can change that.
Treating yourself like a victim
Another toxic behaviour is non-stop complaining that fuels your sense of victimization. Believing you’re a victim, that you have no power to exert and no influence on the direction of your life, is a toxic stance that keeps you stuck and small. Working as a therapist with people who’ve suffered terrible trauma in their lives but found the courage to turn it all around, I know that we have access to far more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we initially believe. When you stop whining, and refuse to see yourself as a hapless victim of fate, chance or discrimination, then you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realized, but only if you choose to accept that reality.
Cruelty - lacking in empathy or putting yourself in others shoes
One of the most toxic and damaging behaviours – cruelty – stems from a total lack of empathy, concern or compassion for others. We see it every day online and in the media – people being devastatingly cruel and destructive to others just because they can. They tear people down online but in a cowardly way, using their anonymity as a weapon. Cruelty, backstabbing, and ripping someone to shreds is toxic, and it hurts you as well as your target.

I had a powerful learning experience about this a few years ago. I came into the house one day in a nasty mood, and shared a mean, sniping comment to my husband about the way a neighbour was parenting her child through one of his problem phases. In less than 24 hours, that very same issue the parent was dealing with came home to roost in my house, with my child. It was as if the Universe sent me the message that, “Ah, if you want to be cruel and demeaning about someone, we’ll give you the same experience you’ve judged so negatively, so you can learn some compassion.” And I did.
If you find yourself backstabbing and tearing someone else down, stop in your tracks. Dig deep and find compassion in your heart, and realize that we’re all the same.
Excessive reactivity
An inability to manage your emotions is toxic to everyone around you. We all know these people – men and women who explode over the smallest hiccup or problem. Yelling at the bank teller for the long line, screaming at your assistant for the power point error he made, or losing it with your child for spilling milk on the floor. If you find that you’re overly reactive, losing it at every turn, you need some outside assistance to help you gain control over your emotions and understand what’s at the root of your emotionality. There’s more to it that appears on the surface. An outside perspective – and a new kind of support – is critical.
Needing constant validation
Finally, people who constantly strive for validation and self-esteem by obsessing about achieving outward measures of success, are exhausting to be around. Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over, and constantly want to “win” over their colleagues or peers, are toxic and draining.
Overly-attaching to how things have to look and be, and to achieving certain milestones and accomplishments rather than going with life in a more flexible, easy manner, can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down . There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve or fail at today. It’s about the journey, the process, the path - what you’re learning and applying, how you’re helping others, and the growing process you allow yourself to engage in.
Stop stressing over the particular outcomes like, “I need that promotion now!” or “My house has to be bigger and more beautiful than my neighbours.” Your desperate need to prove your success and build your self-esteem through outer measures of success is (sadly) apparent to everyone but you, and it’s pushing away the very happiness outcomes you’re longing for.
(To build a happier, more rewarding career, visit kathycaprino.com, The Amazing Career Project and Kathy's Forbes blog Career Bliss.)


Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Lego Star Wars - 75020 - Jabba's Sail Barge

Set 6210 was the original Jabba's Sail Barge that I should got originally.

For ages I was trawling through ebay looking for one but they were stupidly priced.

Enter 2014 and Lego decide to re-release the set again - which is a blessing as the Original SW models were running out of steam a tad.

The detail between the original and 2014 is very apparent - all the minifigs are updated with detail - which is pleasing as the original was created for the moment. the 2014 version really add depth and character.

As I didn't have the original version I can't really compare and contrast, but needless to say the detail is impressive. There is lots of opening parts and detail which adds play value - even the wee one is impressed hen I have given it to him to have a play with (and he is two and a half).

The hull is the most impressive bit for me - but I suspect that essentially being an update of the original template there was not that much for Lego to do on this.

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Generally, I am impressed with the model - and goes well with the rest of the ROTJ models that I can collecting as part of the Lego SW range.

Have a look at these photos swiped from Flickr - it gives a good representation of old and new and how much the model has been altered over time to fit the update:





Tuesday, 29 July 2014

The Return of the Saint

Via the power of the Interweb, I have managed to start watching some stuff that is no longer broadcast anymore, or difficult to get hold of. I am not going to elaborate anymore.

One of the series that I have recently watched over the last 2-3 weeks is The Return of the Saint, the action/adventure series that was broadcast in the late 1970s starring Ian Ogilvy. The theme tune is actually my ringtone at the moment!

I don't actually remember watching the series live on the telly - I think that it must have been too late for me at the time, but I do remember that the Saint drove a Jag XJ-S. And that was good enough for me. I do recall the opening credits - and how good were they:


Now many will state that the The Saint was truly played by Roger Moore and his P1800S.........Ok, this is true, but I never watched the series and I can only relate to Roger Moore as 007.......so TBH, I am not that interested. It was always Ogilvy's Saint that I remember, and that is how it will remain. Simon Dutton came and went in his Jensen Interceptor, but didn't come close - even though I didn't watch the original broadcast until now.

Ogilvy was a runner for Moore's replacement of 007 at one stage.......he didn't get it, but he would have made a great Bond - a handsome chap, with the upper cut of gent and primrose. He played the part of Templar really well and by the looks of it did most of all his stunts.




Also the highlight of the XJ-S did it for me as well -

Jaguar did not make the same mistake by shoving the newly launched car to the producers avoiding the mistakes of the 60s when they turned down the approach to use an E-Type.......and so much so, that I am now looking for Corgi's 320 original of the car.





Add to that the masses of cars from the period - Cortina's, P6's, SD1's...........the list goes on...........and as Italian broadcaster RAI had a hand in it as well, there are also some lovely Italian numbers to add.

And let's not forget the bevvy of beauties that were the damsel in distress - my word, the difference between then and now in terms of beauty is ever apparent - this is a period when a woman looked like a woman and not the hollow egotistic fame seekers that want their 15 mins.

I really enjoyed watched all 24 episodes broadcast - OK, there were a couple of dullards, but the series was excellent and I highly recommend the viewing. It may well be a DVD purchase for me at some stage.